Contributed by Cindi Pearce, Catalogs.com Info Guru
Funny is funny, but funny can be even funnier when you do it in the privacy of your home. That is where you are apt to throw caution to the wind and cut loose because nobody sees you.
The spouse doesn’t count. He or she is used to your shenanigans, or should be by now. The children … who cares? It won’t hurt them to see mom or dad cutting loose and having some fun.
Wasn’t it Matthew McConnaughey, the hunky six-pack of an actor, who got busted for playing the bongos in the nude at home? What you do in the privacy of your home, as long as it isn’t harmful to others and against the law, is your own business. Here is our list of top ten funny things to do at home, so be inspired and cut loose:
10. War paint
Paint yourself up like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Tell your husband you’re ready for date night.
9. Disappear
Funny is discovering a hiding place in your home where no one can find you so you can read Stephen King’s latest tome in peace and without disruptions. If you’re lucky, there is a space between your bed and the wall. Slide down into that cramped space (as someone’s husband used to do) and hunker down so no part of you is visible. Take a pillow with you, get comfy and read away. It will be hours before anyone finds you.
Please surface if you hear your spouse calling the police, reporting that you have gone missing. That’s not funny.
8. Prom dress memories
Funny is dressing up in your prom dress from high school that you stumbled across in the attic and promenading through the house, much to your children’s embarrassment and your husband’s amusement, reliving those special (or maybe not so special) high school days. You will need a tiara and bouquet to complete the look. Oh, yeah and you need a snotty, juvenile attitude! You know, like your kids have.
7. Fuzzy PJs
Funny is getting all snugly in fuzzy, hot pink, full-body, footed pajamas and camping out in the living room even though you are 55 and more than a bit rotund. Hey, they keep you warm. Opt for the kind that has the emergency go-to-the-bathroom hatch in the back. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go! The hatch will make your jammies look even funnier. Your spouse will either giggle at the sight of you or head out for a night with the boys.
6. Manly knitting
Funny is seeing your neighbor’s very masculine husband sitting in the privacy of his living room knitting booties. Men are allowed to knit. Think Rosie Grier. You just don’t expect it. Surprises are nice.
5. Sing
Funny is singing “Won’t You Come Home Bill Bailey” at the top of your lungs as you fry hamburgers in your kitchen, forgetting that your kitchen window is open. Upon completing your tune, in your not very good voice, you hear someone outside, your neighbor, clapping his hands and shouting BRAVO! You go outside, spatula in hand, and take a bow.
4. Watch home movies
Watch old videos. Your children will howl in laughter when they see themselves singing “Born in the USA” circa 1988 or doing inept somersaults or off-beat shuffle ball changes during their recitals and what about that missed football catch or the tackle, crunch, that was heard all over the world, all of which were lovingly captured (sometimes to their chagrin) on video by the parents. You, too, will get a kick out of (and may become a little nostalgic) seeing how you looked 20 years ago. Your clothing will make you chuckle, guaranteed, and the hair styles. What WERE we thinking?
3. Kidnap yourself
You have the house all to yourself. Your wife and kids are gone. Leave messages throughout the house, starting at the point of entry, indicating that you have been captured by the Evil Hoard. Await their return. Include a clue in the message that rhymes, leading your family members to yet another clue, that rhymes and on and so forth until they find you (dad) in the basement, tied to a chair. Yes, you have to tie yourself to a chair and, yes, the children loved this adventure and, yes, I thought my husband was certifiable. I considered leaving him tied up.
2. Put the kids to work
Kill two birds with one stone: Attach Swiffer pads to your infant granddaughter’s knees and let her crawl around the house, polishing your hardwood floors in the process. Make a video of it. Laugh your butts off. This is very funny. Gasp when the granddaughter, who seems to be enjoying her role as a human sweeper upchucks all over her unsuspecting mother and then smiles boldly for the camera. Back at ‘ya, Grammy. Haven’t you ever heard of child labor laws?
1. Pull a McConnaughey
Get out the bongo drums and pull a Matthew McConnaughey.