Contributed by Aurora LaJambre, Catalogs.com Info Guru
What many of MTV’s 5.5 million ‘Jersey Shore’ viewers don’t know is that there are two Jersey shores. There’s the place that exists, as in ‘Let’s go down to the Jersey Shore’ and then there’s the universe portrayed on reality T.V., inhabited by the show’s mostly New Yorker cast.
You, too, can look like a cast member – if you really really want to. Here are the Top 10 ‘Jersey Shore’ fashions as seen on television:
10. The Boardwalk Dress
Great for pulling on over a bikini, this boardwalk dress is great for spontaneous hand stands. None of that pesky material most dresses have. And mind the print – it’s the perfect camouflage for those mornings when you just want to lay in a dumpster.
9. The Beach Pose
Observe and learn. Rule #1 – flaunt it whether you’ve got it or not. Rule # 2 – never leave your jewelry at home. It’s not like there’s time to go in the water anyway when there’s all these muscles to flex.
8. The Graphic Tees
The brilliance of over-designed graphic tees is that they’re appropriate for any occasion from the red carpet to city streets. While you may run the risk of triggering epileptic fits if you wear them, these hyper stimulating frocks are everyday essentials.
7. The Excessive Eye Makeup
More is more so when in doubt, add another coat of black mascara, thicken the eyeliner and just go ahead and cover your eyelid in something shiny – white, black or silver will do.
6. The Regrettable Tattoo(s)
Sometimes you gotta have a tattoo and gotta have it now. No time to think of something meaningful worth permanently inking yourself with? What about your name silly? In big, bold, old English lettering?
5. The Rolled-up Shirt
Ever looked in the mirror thinking “I wish there were a way to show my body AND wear clothes at the same time”? You’re not alone. The Situation has finally freed the torso from the shirt. The question is: why didn’t you think of that?
4. The Pleather
It’s shiny, slick and reflects the light in all the wrong places. Pleather is a versatile material that takes the best qualities of plastic and the worst qualities of the leather look and smooshes them together. Pleather skirts and dresses are tight and cheap so it’s great for every club night of the week.
3. The Name
You’ll probably never see $30k to film a T.V. episode where you drink, soak in a hot tub and spew witticisms, but hey, you can still give yourself a memorable name. But not just any name. It has to precede you and roll off the tongue, like Snooki, The Situation or JWoww.
2. The Pouf
Remember those hair experiments you tried when you were thirteen? They looked something like this minus the accompanying cleavage and spray-on sun burn. Who needs natural beauty when you can get your hair half a foot high? Do try this at home.
1. The Attitude
How do they pull off all of the above? Do they pull it off? They think they do and that’s possibly all that matters when it comes down to being the number three show on cable television in the 12-34 age range, next season’s salary and the ad dollars that will pay for it. And chances are that if you don’t like their fashions they wouldn’t like yours. In Jwoww’s own words, “We’re being ourselves…and I don’t like what other people wear.”
Touche!
For the record, the real Jersey shore (and I’m a native, so I can say) is spectacular. The cast from the reality show stayed in a small seaside town, but they were immersed in their own universe of hair product, fist pumps and fashion on crack. While not representative of the real people or culture that makes up the Jersey shore, the MTV ‘reality’ show has given us guilty entertainment and some amusing anti-role models with special ideas about fashion.