Contributed by Cindi Pearce, Catalogs.com Info Guru
Many are the reasons for the end of a marriage. Many marriages end for more than one reason.
Here is a list of the deal-breakers, in order from the least deadly to the killer of more marriages than you can shake a stick at.
10. Total indifference.
Some couples realize soon after, or many years later, that they simply do not want to be married to each other. There is no acrimony. They simple agree to go their separate ways.
9. Lack of communication
Your styles do not mesh. One does not talk. Another does not listen; one babbles on incessantly. You feel like you are talking, but not getting through. There is too much yelling. There is too much silence. This is not a comfortable place to be.
8. Sexual incompatibility
Most couples can find a middle ground regarding how often they have sex and what type of sex they like to engage in. However, there are those couples that are on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of libido. One wants sex all the time. The other is completely indifferent and could not care less if he ever has sex. One partner may be a bit too kinky for the other which does not make a marriage in heaven. Sometimes one or the other partner physically and emotionally has difficulty engaging in sexual acts and is sexually dysfunctional, which does not lead to a great love life.
7. Changing priorities midstream
If you and your spouse essentially went into marriage with the same basic goals and dreams and a few years down the line one or the other decides that he must live in Las Vegas or join a swinger’s club or live in a house that is far too expensive this can ruin a marriage in no time flat.
6. Values
Sometimes a couple cannot come to an agreement on religion, how they will raise their children, what is important to them in their marriage and life, and it becomes impossible to close this chasm. The two are simply too different in their beliefs, principles, values and goals to reconcile and make it as a couple.
5. Mismatched melded family
Joe and Betty get divorced. Betty marries Fred. Joe, the ex, is dating Susie and Fred’s ex Veronica is about to marry Tom. Betty has three kids. Fred has two. Betty and Joe and the five kids move into the split level with visions of living happily ever after and before you know it, The War of the Roses explodes or implodes. Blended families can, and do, work, but more times than not the melded family is potentially a recipe for disaster. Your kids, his kids, your ex, his ex, the new step-mother and the new step-father, the in-laws, the out-laws, the new in-laws. It gets extremely complicated. You’re not my dad/mom. You can’t boss me around. I want to go live with dad. I want to go back and live with mom. I cannot stand my step-mother. Where’s my child support? What do you mean you cannot afford it this week? I cannot stand dogs! You have GOT to get rid of this dog! I will NOT live in your ex-wife’s house. She has horrible taste! You get the gist.
4. Finances
One partner is fiscally responsible the other is not. One runs up astronomical charges on a secret charge card. The other one gets the phone call from the creditors. Tempers flare. Bankruptcy looms. The couple heads for divorce court.
3. Addiction
Alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, sex addicts … an addiction can pull the plug on a marriage faster than you can shake a stick.
2. Abuse
Physical and/or mental. Bashing someone in the face ought not to be tolerated and should get someone arrested, segueing into divorce court but a lot of women, in particular, endure this type of behavior from their spouse for years and years before they finally, if ever, do something about it and get a lawyer. Mental or emotional abuse can be as bad. After listening to demeaning and derogatory comments for years— You are fat/stupid/ incompetent/ugly/a horrible mother/an even worse wife – the time comes when the victim is fed up, or near dead from abuse, and decides to get out of Dodge and head to court.
1. Philandering spouse
Yep, infidelity is more times than not the final nail hammered into the coffin, the straw that broke the camel’s back. A man or woman may tolerate financial negligence, lack of interest, even abuse but when it comes to stepping out with someone other than your partner that is when the boom is often lowered. Of course, it depends on the parties involved. If it only happened once, perhaps amends can be made, and the couple can go on, happily. However, all too often the cheated upon partner can not regain the trust that he once had in his spouse, and, even if it is never spoken of again, and, even if the cheater turns over a new leaf and is committed and devoted and pure as the driven snow, the loss of trust can undermine the foundation of what was once a good marriage and it may eventually dissolve.
There are many reasons for divorce, some large, some that are combinations of all of these. The important thing to remember is that a marriage should make both spouses happier, stronger, smarter and healthier than they would be alone. Don’t expect – or tolerate – anything less.