People wear glasses for obvious reasons: They have fuzzy vision when they look at distant objects, which is considered being myopic or nearsighted, or they cannot see up close, which is hyperopia or farsighted, or they have astigmatism.
Glasses correct vision problems, but they can correct a lot more, too. Here is a list of the top ten reasons people wear glasses. Some of which are sillier than others.
10. They like being called four-eyes
There are those masochists who just love to be insulted and there are sadistic people who love hurling insults. Hopefully, most adults are past the name-calling stage but do not count on it.
9. Security blanket
Glasses serve as a security blanket. Some people feel naked without them, even if the glasses are not used for their intended purpose, which is to help one see better. The idea is that you can actually hide behind spectacles. In this case, the bigger the glasses, the better. Especially if you really ARE naked.
8. To hide yourself
If a person has been on a crying jag and her eyes are a puffy, swollen mess as a result, glasses, sunglasses, in particular, are necessary. Big, dark glasses are de riguer, especially if appearing in court and charged with a crime (which the defendant did not commit, of course) or when attending a high profile funeral, particularly for those stalked by the paparazzi. No one wants her grief splattered face on the front page of Star Magazine.
7. Appear intelligent
To make them appear more intelligent. How many actors have resorted to shoving a pair of glasses on their face so that they could play a brainy character? Sometimes wearing glasses for this purpose works, sometimes it does not. Frankly, there are those of us who just want to yank off those spectacles and shout: We know who you are! You are no rocket scientist and not even those specs are going to convince the viewing audience that you can play Madame Curie! It is going to take a lot more than a pair of eye glasses to make YOU convincing in this role!
6. Superhero syndrome
To disguise super hero status. Consider the late Christopher Reeve and his portrayal of Clark Kent in the Superman movie. No one can get past those in-your-face newspaper reporter glasses. His predecessor, George Reeves, the star of the earlier television version of Superman, sported identical glasses when he was playing Clark Kent but, of course, both actors yanked off those specs when they transformed into the super hero. Super heroes do not need glasses.
5. To hide your eyes
To hide being hung over; a botched eye job; a wicked encounter with Botox or a fist. This requires tinted eye glasses; the darker the better.
4. Aura of mystery
Some opt to wear dark glasses even when it is dark or when inside because they think it makes them look mysterious. Who is that behind those Foster Grants? Does anyone really care? Wearing sunglasses inside or at night is just plain stupid.
3. Fashion statement
Eyeglasses as a fashion statement. They think it makes them look cool. They want to look just like Sarah Palin. Is that cool?
2. On the run
When on the run, the first order of business for those in the Witness Protection program, who obviously do not want to be recognized, is a hair dye job and a pair of eyeglasses. The best kind of glasses for this purpose has a fake, bulbous W.C. Fields-like nose and Groucho Marx moustache attached. That will surely fool the Mafia or whoever is hot on your trail.
1. So they can see
Drumroll. Of course. You thought I was going to write anything else? First and foremost, people wear glasses so they can see. Nothing worse than walking into a door or taking your husbands Viagra instead of your flatulence medicine because you are so blind without your glasses that you cannot see an inch in front of your face.
When a person is afflicted with an astigmatism this means that the cornea is curved abnormally, which results in vision that is out of focus. No one knows for sure why astigmatism occurs but is it generally present at birth and occurs in tandem with either farsightedness or nearsightedness.
Seriously. If you can’t see get glasses. If you’re just playing, you can get some too.